Nothing feels better than walking with your provocative party dress, faded make-up, messy hair, and your flashy high heels after partying and having sex the whole weekend, in a new neighborhood, Monday morning, when everyone is dressed fresh to go to work. I LOVE their looks on me and my cigarette in my hand …
…the moment when they want you soooooooo much..would do anything to please you…pumping as best as they can, looking into you eyes, and breathlessly say: … you.. are .. so.. hot ..
After one year of absence i have decided to come back and write more. . A lot more has happened such as i got married and divorce and a lot more of Mr. Love Designer.
I promise that this time i won’t get discouraged by some people’s really really mean comments and their phone numbers. Once again, this blog is about my life and love. It’s not a pornograhy blog!
I thought it would be interesting to share one my fan’s chatting conversation, I know him from a Texas Hold’em Poker game on face book… when he saw my picture he was sending me lots of gifts there… so our friendship started like this … Just see how innocent i was in the past..
Conversation started August 12, 2011 4:36pm
- hey man , sorry about today at the table, if i pissed you ! i didnt mean to , those ppl were really annoying and i m tired of them.
- nah u didnt i had to log off my job was over,no prob
September 15, 2011 2:40pm
September 16, 2011 6:58pm
- hiding ?
- i was traveling
- i havent seen u online
- yeah i didnt use internet
- ahh must be nice
- yeah south france and spain
- you americans should come to europe
- any new pics
- alot i ll upload them later
- i will have to do my research proposal now
- don have time for facebook stuff lol
- spain is one place i want to go to
- ok c u later
- Spain is no.1
- oh no i meant for uploading cant do now
- no bye
- ahh ok
- didnt want to keep u
- no i m writing messages to my friends
- so it is o
- catching up
- i am coping my friends propsal who is studying in U.K
- jaja i am a bad student
- hey your not the first
- nor the last
- to do that
- so i guess u had a great time
- in the past month i am feeling very lively and feel i m so lucky my friends love me so much and it means a lot to me , so i had a great time
- with them
- did u quit drinking
- no wayyyyy !!! i have this bad habbit for ever
- i was drunk the whole time
- or was that a type o
- i guess i am alcoholic
- but i wanna turn to be a social smoker
- isee your like a teenager now
- trying everything
- LOL i will never grow old , sorry to disappoint my parents
- always 22
- is that 22 around the hips
- oh by the scoial smoker i meant that now i smoke regularly i wanna quit and smoke just when i drink
- ahh i did miss that one
- 22 around hips ? what does that mean?
- implying great figure
- u must drink alot of milk
- coz its done your body good
- i love dairy products
- and they love u
- anything coming outa breasts is tasty
- i know thats right
- alrighty i guess i m gonna leave to study
- catch ya soon
September 25, 2011 12:32pm
September 29, 2011 1:09pm
- hello (My name)
- hey man
- whats up?
- nothing and u
- i see you have been busy
- busy busy with my thesis and shit like that
- and dealing with bloody monday by eating an apple and watching simpsons
- i am a bit paranoid to public
- we could watch each other
- so i try not to hang arounf facebook so often
- ahh i got it
- then tell me how d ya wanna see me ?lol
- no i mean how
- i m jokin
- i know
- if not i could tell you
- but yeah here is my ID (…..)
- haha ya still can tell doesnt mean i m gonna listen
- i know
- just want to chat and see whats up
- i know
- my is …..@yahoo.com
- but hey i m not in my best mode today, if ya dont mind we ll catch up later
- thats the best time to see u
- i just sent u request
- are u there
2/6/12You missed a call from J.
June 6, 2012 9:23am
- (my name) whats up , long time i dont hear from you. give me a reing when you can.
September 23, 2012 3:18pm
- hey j,
- i m fine thnx .. and you? very busy with my job and studies and more importantly my break up ..
- and you?
October 9, 2012 6:42pm
- ahh im glad everyhting is ok except your break-up.
June 17 12:37am
- HOW HAVE U BEEN
- Pretty good
- And you?
- Why do you type in capital letters?
- TRYING TO DO BETTER
- is there a man in your life now
- or woman
- Why do you ask?
- No there is not
- I guess i m a loner
- So weird conversation!
- JUST KIDDING THE WOMAN THING. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD ALWAYS HAVE A MAN IN YOUR LIFE.
- haha.. no.. i am actually the opposite way..
- DID NOT KNOW THAT
- Sunday 8:12pm
- Now you know
- i choose to be a loner though, more options …
- I FEEL YOU, I LIKE THE LADIES MYSELF
- I don’t like it that you write in capital letters
- BUT YOU ARE A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
- you make me wanna be a woman
- So what beauty is not everything
- Don’t change your sex
- your right its not
- hell no
- No but I am also very picky and high maintenance its why I am a loner
- I could tell that
- Very bad??
- not really coz it takes a special person to meet your want in a person
- That’s right
- I’m still looking for that special person
- No matter if I get wasted meanwhile
- it will happen
- I know
- But I m not desperate you know
- I was up to 200 lbs
- I am happy with my life the way it is
- Really? You lost weight?
- as fine as you are you can wait for the right person
- im down to 160
- So proud of you
- What is your height in metrics?
- don’t know
- And your weight
- 5 foot 6 in
- I knew that
- 160 lbs
- You Americans with your foot
- I dunno that
- and yours in lbs
- I hella dunno
- I am 53 kg
- im mexican
- And 160 cm
- I thought Mexican s are like us
- My best friend is Mexican
- And he uses metric
- yes if I was from mexico
- So are you?
- Or not?
- im american
- Mexican parents
- Ah ok
- I like Mexican ppl hot blooded
- And warm
- hell yeah you know this
- Of course!
- I am going for a cigarette
- Maybe a bit more than that
- To get stoned
- I like you more now
- Haha did you even liked me before? Thanx man
- well of course
- So i ll talk to you after I smoked
- how could I not
- Haha you’re funny
- Be there
- Make my stone time better
- Feeling sooooooo good
- feel better
- now you like men right
- pick me
- Did I tell you the past that I like men or women
- men u said
- Don’t laugh at me if I’m too late or just start bullshitg
- that’s when its funny
- I like both
- good girl
- But I prefer men for long term relationship
- great, im here
- Easier they are
- Lol long term not long distance
- So where do you live?
- in us
- Which state?
- long distance doesn’t work unless you hit already
- hit it already
- What do you mean?
- but only for a short time
- you know bump uglies
- What is that?
- Fuck I m feeling so good
- testicular area meets vaginal region
- bump uglies American term
- You know i have weird and hot blog. I will put our exact conversation anonymously on it. I m sure ppl like it to hear me high too. So if you want you can say any thing to my followers
- So say something
- I have few minutes left before work
- i used to get high 3 times a day when i was going to school
- You must be lil Mexican
- so when can we meet (my name)
- This is why you’re cool
- yes in some ares
- You wanna come to (the country in the north where I live)?
- some ares not
- dam that’s far
- To meet me?
- if your there hell yeah
- but if i go that far
- Haha didn’t you know that I live here
- you know somethings going to happen
- What if you see me and you fall in love with me?
- what if you see me and cant live without me?
- well that is a chance i will take
- I can’t live only without me and my family
- ill just stay with you
- You can’t
- i know coz of your family values
- don’t worry i wont tell
- You won’t tell?
- your family im there
- ill hide in the closet
- Haha I live alone in this country
- dam im there
- I am from (Name of my original Country)
- wear a maid uniform. and have a galss of brandy waiting for me
- ill take care of the rest
- i ran last week to the store
- Ok but only if you promise to not to fall in love with me and then want to own me?
- You are welcome here once:-)
- i will never own a woman its wrong
- That’s right
- fall in love , maybe
- only once
- dam i better make it good
- hey , (my name) i have to now
- i really enjoy talking to you
- your funny
- You too
- ill catch u tomorrow
- Chow ( haha I think this was American way of saying Ciao)
I should mention that I am bored to only have sex chat with it was not my intention but he turned to that. Doesn’t he like me other ways? There is a line in the chat that I will highlight.. tell me doest it mean he likes me?? How much more can I love him from distance??
June 20 7:03pm
- Hei, long time! How are you? What’s up?
- Don’t you come to your country for mid-summer?
June 21 2:55am
- hi, i’m fine, nothing special. you?
- i can’t come for Mid-summer, i have work to do
- maybe later in the summer
- around august perhaps
June 22 2:56am
- I actually thought there is something special, I haven’t heard of you for a long time
- Yeah, hope to see you when you come…
- I hate Mid-Summer
- This is my break up anniversary! !
- For me nothing either
- I guess i m getting bored in your country again
- understandable, same here
- that’s why I don’t live there
- well, I do have some things happening. I have an exhibition opening coming up in Boijmans museum in Rotterdam
- working for that
- and a solo exhibition in November in Hamburg
- work and work, it seems
- i hope soon I don’t have to do all the work myself
- well, not all. I have an intern now which is a great help
- but I’m considering having another one if this phase keeps up
- (I call his name) it s great to hear all these. I’m very proud of you!
- Wow you have an intern now! Nice
- Yup, helps
- It’s makes me think I wish I was your intern. I can fantasize you teaching me stuff while I am thinking of something else
- What would that something else be?
- depends on my mood on each day, different elses!
- You would spend most of your internship on knees
- If it was up to me..
- You know what I like about you?
- I’m an arrogant ass?
- That you’re really nasty especially in mind and so mean
- Mean? In what way?
- Not mean like that… but in a good way. .. you know?
- I like you because you want to be more nasty then you allow yourself to be (what does this mean here? Does it mean he really likes me or it is just sexual?)
- You are on a sexual voyage
- You’re so right !! I do that unconsciously
- What does that mean?
- That you left the harbor but not reached land
- Wow so nice I even like the way it sounds!
- I need to sleep now, kiss your tits for me and imagine by cock between them
- sleep tight. I ll do that 🙂
- Next time you have sex with a girl, I want to join you
- You can’t touch the other girl!
- It’s my rule
- What if she touches me?
- Only me. She’ll be all mine
- Only if I tell her she can touch you
- Don’t be so obsessive
- I’m only subsessive for you ! ( I was so high so I misspelled)
- I know you like submission
- Maybe even be tied down to a bed?
- well you should see me the other way too
- I want to see you with a girl
- If there is another girl, I won’t be the tied up girl
- Don’t worry I let you be the boss, cause I like to see you mean
- I want you to see me with a girl too!
- Would you be jealous if I’d let the other girl suck me off?
- I would fight for that
- You should
- I will do my best to be better than her
- To give me all that
- There should be enough for both of you
- no please! Give me more.
- You can be the last one to explode me
- Right where you want me to
- Fair enough!
- Is my mouth good?
- Delicious and soft
- But I need to slap your cheeks with my cock
- Sure, my pleasure!
- How do you like to pressure other girls?
- Pressure t
- I ll share some with her from my own mouth
- That sounds so fucking sexy
- Maybe she could lick it from ass and tits?
- If you tell me earlier enough before you come to your country I ll try to find a girl to be with us!
- I like it all
- Are you touching yourself?
- I’m masturbating and thinking of you fighting to get me in your mouth
- Yes I always do!
- Of course I will
- But you should be fair
- You know how get your share
- Yeah I do my best to be better than her
- Just show me your perfect tits and spit on my cock
- O yes …
- Take it as deep as you can get
- Let the other girl watch and learn
- In looking at the pictures you sent me..
- Was totally thinking about you at those moments
- They were taken for you
- I’m gonna sleep now
- After my cigarette
- You too
Seen Jun 21
It is not like I don’t like talking sexy with him, but I need something more than this too, more affection. I was not even touching myself! Would you recommend anything to do to have him? please, I need help, I love him!!
I am too late to write for weekend number 4, I am already in weekend number 5. It was a very dull and lonely weekend. I was high all the time, I had lots of new stories to write here, but I have forgotten them all because they came to my mind when I was high. I have had two more chats and then on Monday, I went to a summer cottage with four middle aged men. I was invited by the bouncer guy I met. I was wrong I think he is not the right person, he is too stubborn, and I think he likes me because I am too high class. I heard from his friends that he had mentioned my middle name which I had explained to him means that I come from a decent family! There I had lots of fun though, although this guy is so rule obeying kind of person but his friends had lots of pot. I loved it that I was in the center of attention all the time by all men. There was a 22 year guy who was too much into me he kinda touched me when we were lying on the sofa high. I did make up on his face and I used to call him my whore so he had to listen to everything I said. But he left earlier. I had sex with the bouncer. He was circumcised and I like it. So huge penis! And he was fucking strong could lift me up with his finger in my pussy!! I loved that. But I asked him to come over and he refused, although he told me he wants me so badly, and I felt so good. I guess these were just horny talks! I dunno how come I still fall for that kind of talk! I have no interest in him. He is a horrible kisser but he is like Hercules. So strong and I like that. He is not so caring though, he didn’t give me his cap when I was cold. And he didn’t appreciate my body so much. He used to give me more complements. These people are so weird after a week the other guy that I met in the street asked me out this week but I was in the summer cottage. Why they don’t have passion in their life? They just wanna try a hot brunet that is not fair to me!
I met another guy in that cottage, who was super handsome, gosh like a carved statue, just broke up with his girlfriend, artist in a famous band, he plays accordion. I was so stoned to flirt with him, but he once said loud that I like this girl!!! So I immediately added him on my facebook, and he quickly accepted. I sent him a message but he never replied!!! WHY? What does it all mean?
I tried to be so quick for this weekend as it was too late and I still haven’t gained my absolute soberness back.
So I haven’t taken my bipolar pills and I am very moody, at the moment in the depression mood but I was very hyper recently. On last Wednesday I asked Mr. Charming out, he said he can only come for an ice cream so we went to a café on the beach, although when I arrived there, some men there started to whistle and ask me over, he didn’t tell me I looked good! After an hour of bullshitting, I asked him to stay at my place for the night but he told me to never ask him again. After all these sad moments of rejection, I found a 60 Euro parking ticket on my car! DAMN!
I decided to not think about him and accepted one my friends from Poland to stay at my place for the weekend, I thought he would be interesting since he is a doctor of philosophy, but damn he was boring. I went out on Thursday night, to see him, on the way a guy hit on me and I gave him my telephone number, I think he is married too !! Damn where are the single good looking men?
Meanwhile, my fluffer had a surgery, and he was pissing me off by acting like a child so I didn’t visit him at all. I didn’t find time, I was busy and he was boring. On Thursday it was raining heavily so instead of the bar I gave a ride to my friends to their home and her husband gave me some weed. It was so good I Partied alone till morning.
On Friday, A friend of mine was moving to Paris, so we had a farewell party in the city, girls night out, nothing special, just partying. And on Saturday I both got drunk and high and went out, spent some time with my male friends in the street, then my girl arrived, I also met the stranger who I think has a wife outside of a night club. And I gave my number to a bouncer!!!!!!! Do you believe it? I dunno! He is a nice very very good person and had liked me from 2 years ago, he had a date with me on Sunday, I don’t like him anymore, because first maybe I was drunk, I really like him in his suit and not in casual clothing, I am used to date people who have a PhD, or Artists or very rich or important people. BUT he is so much into me, unlike those other categories of people he really likes me, he could be a good boyfriend for me, but what can I do? I can not have any feelings for him!!! Do you think I should continue dating him? Or just play with him? Is there any single boy who would want me for me from those other kind of people? I am tired of being with men who are in a relationship … And Finally no Sex for the weekend 😦
I was a 16 year old virgin, not so innocent, grown up in such a disciplined family, I had found out how to masturbate by rubbing my clitoris to my mattress and in the shower with water. I guess I was a horny girl from the beginning. It is said that brunettes are like that!! Anyway, it would be very troublesome for me if I had lost my virginity. Although I never thought I would obey that rule, but I always thought it would be a romantic time with my boyfriend. One day I was window shopping, dressed in my best outfits and some unprofessional make up to show my young age a bit older. A handsome man, with very green eyes in a fancy car, stopped for me, he offered a ride and I accepted.
He was a medical doctor, so charming and nice to me. He asked me out for a date later and I accepted. We talked on the phone for a couple of times and agreed for a date. He came to pick me up, he took me to his flat which was in part of the city that I didn’t know at all, and it was my first date with an adult man. I thought I should accept everything, His place was so creepy, only one bedroom, a bed inside and no other furniture as a sign of living but some clothes and books, I thought maybe he is a man and it is like this. He played some guitar for me and opened a can of Gin for me. I drank it and I can’t remember so clearly after because I have no idea what was inside the drink, I can only remember that I was numb, so numb that couldn’t hold my arm up. He laid me on the bed, undressed me, He already had his boner, put it hard and deep inside me, I can bitterly remember his voice calling my name and asking me, now you that you are not a virgin anymore, tell me “where is my cock? Yes, it is in your tight new pussy”… I fainted, and fortunately can not remember anything about what happened later.. But as soon as I woke up, I found myself alone in that apartment, hastily I got dressed while crying and bleeding, didn’t even know what happened to me, I went outside of the apartment to look for him.. I couldn’t find him, so I came back to the same apartment, knocked the door many times, and a young couple having the same guitar in their hand opened the door!!! I was shocked I asked for the guy, they said, I was wrong and no such guy existed there! It was the same fucking apartment! I was still feeling dizzy, and I could barely hear them afterward…I was sweating and could hardy breathe, it was such a nightmare I didn’t even know where I was.. I took a taxi to get back home…I still can not remember the neighborhood, when I got home we had a party, everybody was asking me what is wrong with me, I couldn’t talk to anyone, I just locked the door on myself and cried, and changed my bloody underwear.. I called him after that a couple of times, he either didn’t reply or ditched me with stupid excuse, what could I do? That was the time I noticed I am alone in life and cant do shit!!! I didn’t even know if it was sex that he had and I was bleeding for, or something else he did to me! So I just burned inside.. I couldn’t share this to anyone! Not even until today that a decade or more has passed…Not my parents, not my brother, not my friends they all had a stupid prejudice, that let that bastard to easily run away.. I am still tracking him; actually he is a famous doctor now!!!! And I will do a revenge on him as soon as I can!!! He ruined my life a lot after with the consequences… How can some people be that selfish, I was just a child!